Notre Dame Lands Top 10 Recruiting Class: Part 4 – Offensive Linemen/Tight Ends

Alright fellas.  With the defense accounted for, it’s time to focus on the offensive side of the ball for my running recruiting diary.  The Irish gave up an unscrupulous 58 sacks last year, and any swinging dick smartass can do the math.  58 sacks=almost 5 per game=3-9 record.  At times it looked like the o-line purposely sidestepped defenders so Clausen or Sharpley would get impaled.  These guys provided about the same amount of protection as a sheepskin condom, and long gone are the days of Aaron Taylor, Jeff Faine, or Leon Hart dominating a defense.  SOS…….WE NEED HELP!!!! Luckily, the call was answered……………Somewhat.

Centers:

I’ll get right to it.  Braxston Cave is a complete and utter badass, and is considered by some to be the crown jewel of this class.  The 6′ 4″ 300 lb. Mishawaka native should IMMEDIATELY start, he is that ready.  Cave held his own against top rated DT Omar Hunter in the All-American festivities, and has a mean streak befitting of a trench warrior.  He is a blue chip in every sense of the word.  This kid provides instant help to a position dying for it.  I have taken the liberty of nicknaming Brax “Baby Huey,” but make no mistake,  in a year or two it will be “First Team All-American Huey” to you punk.

I’m not going to spend too much time on Connecticut’s Mike Golic Jr.  I realize many, many people are already calling this a wasted scholarship.  1)Why do we need two centers? 2)Brax is obviously the guy. 3)Charity bid!  This is the equivalent of free agent QB Derek Anderson signing with the Colts.  WTF???  As opinionated as this drunken soothsayer is, he gets a pass from me for now.  His father and uncle are great ambassadors for Notre Dame, and time will tell if Golic adds his own chapter to that legacy.  Look at it this way: Mike Piazza was drafted by the Dodgers as a favor, and look how he turned out.  Motherfucker got knocked out by Rocket!

Guards:

Nebraska behemoth Trevor Robinson is the only guard in this class.  The 6′ 6″ 300 lb. Norse Viking is rated #1 at his position on a few boards, and this is a GREAT snag.  Robinson looks like a young Robert Gallery with his Thor-like locks, smug grin, devotion to Slayer, insatiable urge for slutty women, and penchant for cracking a cold one and kicking ass (I just completely made that up, but goddamn that would be cool).  He gets my vote for “Recruit most likely to have a full sleeve of tats by his senior season.”  On a side note, only in Nebraska could there be a high school called “Elkhorn” and their mascot the “Antlers.”  This makes me ponder:  Do the helmets have antlers on them?  Do the fans blow elk bugles during the game?  Are there elk in Nebraska?  Did I really just finish that whole bottle of Bushmills??????

Offensive Tackles:

Maryland crabcake Lane Clelland is the only commitment at tackle.  He is a big boy, clocking in at 6’5″ 270 lbs.  He wasn’t heavily recruited, but has the credentials to make a splash in another year.  I honestly haven’t seen a whole lot from this guy other than Army tape, so I’ll just throw him into the “Wait and See” category for now.

Tight Ends:

Wouldn’t you know it, Uncle Charlie reeled in the #1 tight end in the land, Cincy’s Kyle Rudolph!  This trend hopefully has no end in sight.  Rudolph has ideal size (6′ 6″ 220 lbs) and speed (4.6) to flourish in any type of offense.  People have questioned his blocking ability, and those people need to be castrated.  Anyone with two functional ojos can witness he will be a “do it all” tight end.  Doc Brown from “Back to the Future” was quoted as, “You line this kid up with Kamara and Tate, you’re gonna see some serious SHIT.”

Prognosis:

It honestly can’t be any worse than ’07, so let’s just leave it there.

Stay Tuned for Part 5 – Wide Receivers and Running Backs

1 Comment(s)

  1. Comment by Hammad on December 1, 2015 8:26 pm

    These ND fans are fooling thselemves. I know that ND had a great season but I do not believe for a minute that they have the stamina to play at Alabama’s pace. I want to hear their comments after the game. Probably won’t be able to find any of them hanging around the campus.

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a comment