NBA Superstars VS WWF Superstars…..Part 1

I’ll admit it.  During the 80’s, I was OBSESSED with professional wrestling.  I’m guilty as charged.  Before you tell me to have another beer and piss myself, please bear in mind I was a young child during this era. In the midst of yet another crippling bender this weekend, I gave birth to a plan.  Compare every NBA superstar (past and present) to his most fitting WWF counterpart.  As usual, chaos fueled by Mr. Beam ensued.

Michael Jordan—–>Hulk Hogan

This is a no-brainer.  Both guys are charismatic leaders that performed in the clutch, elevated their sport to the next level, and have a fan-base that is simply without equal.  These two are ambassadors for their respective sport, and both names are synonymous with the leagues they helped catapault into every person’s living room.

Wilt Chamberlain—–>Andre the Giant

Both “larger than life” icons dominated opponents with ease due to superior physical size and strength.  Another similarity is each had a rival that simply couldn’t man up to them.  Big John Studd got clowned numerous times by the Giant, and although Bill Russell won more titles, Wilt gave him the stick every time they faced off.  Both are also deceased, and starred in horrendously shitty films (Conan the Destroyer, and the Princess Bride).  I’m sure some will argue that the PB is a great movie.  If that’s you, stop reading, and go play with your fucking dolls……

LeBron James—–>The Rock

LBJ is not MJ.  The Rock is not Hogan.  For reasons only known to Ishmael, they both sure as shit think they are, even better no less.  Neither has, or will, carry the torch well enough for people to forget the past, and collectively rally around these current turd-nuggets. 

Larry Bird—–>”Hitman” Bret Hart

These legends both lacked the internal skill set needed to beat opponents, so they focused on the technical aspects to dominate.  Bird was the best passing forward of all-time, and did all the “little things” needed to win.  Hart dismantled opponents with deadly precision, and never out-muscled, only out-worked enemies into submission.  These two great champions were gym-rats that excelled despite adversity. 

Charles Barkley—–>George “The Animal” Steele

Although Sir Charles looks alot like “Kamala” these days, him and Steele share some similarities that will forever link them.  For instance, both were wildly popular characters, and always put on a great, completely unpredictable show.  Sadly, their natural abilities were oft overshadowed by flabby physiques, and erratic behavior.  Even more sadly, neither reached the mountaintop by winning a championship, which would have been well deserved.        

Kobe Bryant—–>”Heart Break Kid” Shawn Michaels

Big names, big talents, big deal.  Both are ego-maniacs that desperately seek the spotlight, and selfishly hog it every time the opportunity arises.  I have never met a fan of Kobe or HBK that wasn’t the kind of person you would hit with a steel chair for the fuck of it.  I would rather drink piss for eternity than dedicate one more word to these two…….

Julius “Dr. J” Erving—–>Ric Flair

These two juggernauts are in every semi-coherent, rational, and “not completely fucking stoned” person’s Top Ten Greatest list across the world, and believe me, they share more than just greatness.  Flair carried the inferior WCW for years, and Erving did the same for the ABA.   My favorite similarity is both were less than welcoming to newcomers trying to steal their thunder.  Flair gave Sting cheapies left and right to remind the youngster who’s boss, and Dr. J choked the shit out of an utterly unstoppable Larry Legend after he lit Doc up with 42 points . 

Click here for Part 2…

28 Comments

  1. Comment by Heff on May 27, 2008 9:02 am

    Tim Duncan as Stone Cold Steve Austin. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him, he only cares about winning and kicking ass.

  2. Comment by Beezer on May 27, 2008 10:24 am

    Too many drinks this weekend?

    Doc choked Larry Legend during a preseason game, not after Bird dropped 42 (Speaks to the intensity of the 76’ers-Celtics rivalry back them). Are you the guy that creates all of those dumb-assed urban legends?

  3. Comment by RJ on May 27, 2008 10:29 am

    kobe and hbk both needed a tag team partner in shaq and marty janetty

  4. Comment by Geb on May 27, 2008 10:45 am

    Dennis Rodman-Gold Dust

    Tim Duncan-The Undertaker…not Stone Cold…personalities completely different

    Karl Malone-Macho Man…both lived in the shadow of the super superstars but both were great

    The Big Show…Shaq “The Daddy”…both have won numerous chips and been apart of different teams

    Chris Paul…Rey Mysterio Jr….both quick, awesome fan favorites

    that is all I have for now but I will definetly write more later…keep me posted on your website this shit is tight

  5. Comment by j.b. on May 27, 2008 11:29 am

    Heff, you probably stole it from him…

  6. Comment by Dan on May 27, 2008 11:30 am

    No, no, no. Stone Cold is too loud and brash. Duncan is Bob Backlund. Quiet, perceived to be “boring” with a master of the fundamentals.

  7. Comment by MikeyV on May 27, 2008 11:57 am

    Jeff Hardy = Vince Carter

    On the brink of super-stardom, but never made it. Known for high-flying arial moves.

    Stone Cold = Rasheed Wallace

    While Rasheed has less titles than Stone Cold, their mouths and attitude towards higher authorities gives them the comparison.

    The Undertaker = Tim Duncan

    Big man, while putting up great stats, always kept fairly quiet.

    Owen Hart = Chauncey Billups

    Mr. Dependable. Always willing to do what asked and willing to take the shot to put the team/company in the best position. Able to take over and be a superstar, but never did.

    Brian Pillman = Chris Andersen

    Fan favorites with drug problems that hampered their careers.

  8. Comment by Steelhead on May 27, 2008 12:05 pm

    Beezer,
    I did in fact have a few too many this weekend, but hey, who’s counting? My memory is a tad hazy when recalling events from two decades ago. If my recollection (about Bird, Dr.J) is incorrect, throw up a link to verify my foolishness.

    Thanks,
    Steelhead

  9. Comment by Michael Jenkinson on May 27, 2008 12:16 pm

    Princess Bride is a great movie. I did stop reading, and won’t read any more of your stuff. It’s pretty low brow anyway.

  10. Comment by Sactown on May 27, 2008 12:27 pm

    David Stern= Vince McMahon

    See Game 6 of 2002 western conference finals for example

  11. Comment by Patrick on May 27, 2008 12:52 pm

    Magic Johnson = Ultimate Warrior

    Both were magnetic characters that commanded the arena. Magic Johnson is to some the only rival of Michal Jordan as the greatest player of all time and Ultimate Warrior beat Hogan to obtain both championship belts in the WWF. Saddly, both left their sport to easy, had comebacks but just couldn’t keep up with the league they left behind.

    Also, they are both horrible when in front of camera, not utilizing the talents God gave them.

  12. Comment by Derek on May 27, 2008 1:06 pm

    Kobe is more like Hogan. Shawn is much different now than he was in the 90s. He hasn’t hogged the spotlight since his return in 2002, he hasnt had a title run[just a short 1 month one in 02], he has just helped elevate other stars. Even if he did, he deserves to hog the spotlight because he is the greatest, but he doesnt. Now Hogan is someone who hogs the spotlight whenever he comes back for a paycheck.

  13. Comment by Rob on May 27, 2008 3:37 pm

    Since I like that HBK = Kobe thing… Shaq would therefore be HHH as both pairings were much better together than apart.

  14. Comment by Awesomeness on May 27, 2008 4:25 pm

    Dennis Rodman = Ultimate Warrior. They both wore the same makeup.

    Dirk Novitsky = Snitsky. The sound alike and look alike

    Robert Horry = Sting. Both hang out on the sideline (or rafters???) and wait for just the right moment to strike

    Reggie Miller = Million Dollar Man. Million Dollar Man didn’t have the roided out build but always got the job done, just like Reggie.

    Latrell Sprewell = Sgt. Slaughter. Both known for choking out opponents.

    Joakim Noah = Rowdy Roddy Piper. Both are annoying

    Kirk Heinrich = Bob Backlund. Same ears.

    Shawn Bradley = The Great Khali. Both were out of their league.

    Atlanta Hawks = nWo. Cheaters.

    Spurs = WCW. Same thing every week

    Steve Nash = Rey Mysterio. Little man can take down giants.

    Josh Howard = Eugene. Retards

    95% of NBA Roster = Cryme Time. Obvious reasons

  15. Comment by Steelhead on May 27, 2008 4:34 pm

    Readers,
    Thank you for taking the time to comment. Alot of you nailed comparisons I was holding for part 4 and 5. I’ll keep airing your ideas, and dig deeper myself to keep all new installments fresh in the future.

    Thanks again,
    Steelhead

  16. Comment by m. calhoun on May 27, 2008 7:13 pm

    Jordan= Flair.
    Magic=Hogan

  17. Comment by Zac on May 27, 2008 8:58 pm

    I think Kobe would be HHH
    Shaq= Kevin Nash
    Vin Baker= Scott Hall(haha)
    Steve Nash= Rey Mysterio
    I know he didnt win the big one, but Jason Kidd= Stone Cold
    Robert Horry= Ric Flair
    Tracey McGrady= Kane
    Mark Cuban= Eric Bischoff
    Rasheed Wallace belongs on this list, but i can’t think of his wrestling equivalent : )

  18. Comment by MangoKid on May 27, 2008 9:16 pm

    Rudy Tomjanovich = Brutus Beefcake.

    Both had their faces blown into a million pieces.

  19. Comment by Mean on May 27, 2008 9:58 pm

    Dennis Rodman – Dennis Rodman

    He wrestled in WCW back then

  20. Comment by Hucklebuck on May 27, 2008 10:08 pm

    Troy Murphy —-> Trevor Murdoch

    Ugly. Goofy. White. Completely inconsequential. Funny when you call them “T-Murder”

  21. Pingback by KXVU on June 2, 2008 6:00 am

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  23. Comment by b nut on July 31, 2008 4:36 pm

    wade vs randy orton hhh is kobe shaq is big show jordon is hogan flair is russle magic is stone cold rock is lebron undertaker is wilt agreewith bird and hart a tim donahe is tha old patick dude lol

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  28. Comment by Kevin Duranth on April 10, 2010 9:31 am

    Carlos Boozer – Bill Goldberg

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