As most of you already know, I was, like any other kid from the 80’s, a huge fan of professional wrestling. The WWF, reaching its zenith during this decade, took my generation by storm. A few comrades of mine have even kept their allegiance in tact years later. Although my devotion to the men in tights doesn’t run quite as deep, I won’t deny you Part 2 of my list comparing NBA Superstars to their WWF counterpart….Ding Ding Ding
Karl Malone—–> “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
Both men proved to be worthy adversaries throughout their career, but neither could cash in on opportunities for greatness (i.e. rings and belts). Malone and Duggan also shared excruciating dialects that only hicks deep in the bayou could appreciate or fully comprehend.
“Pistol” Pete Maravich—–> Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka
These two high flying stars helped redefine their sport with flashy, always entertaining performances, and their unique styles are now a legendary art-form. Pistol’s behind-the-back passes, and Snuka’s insane antics from the top rope had kids everywhere imitating these trademarks. I can only wonder how many broken ribs and punctured lungs were treated after an ill-fated Superfly-style couch dive, or how many Y-Ball coaches had a coronary after a Pistol type pass hit the bleachers on a fast break. Some things are best left to the pros……
“Magic” Johnson—–> “Macho Man” Randy Savage
Magic and Macho are both well respected champions who entertained crowds by taking over the show, and dominating opponents. They both possessed a great amount of natural ability, and that led to many victories. Although each is top ten caliber in his own right, Magic had to compete with the more popular Larry Bird, and Savage was second banana to Hulk Hogan.
Scottie Pippen—–> Lex Luger
Lex was considered “The Total Package,” and that’s exactly what Pippen was on the court. Pip was a complete player, and had a great career that is obviously overshadowed by Bulls teammate Jordan. Luger suffered the same dilemma in the Four Horsemen, never stepping out of Flair’s shadow, and striking it rich on his own. Both did manage to celebrate plenty of championships along the way.
Tim Duncan—–> “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase
I can’t think of a wrestler more fitting to be twins with Duncan than DiBiase. Both athletes started their careers with great confidence, skill, and quiet charisma. They were the kind of guys you didn’t mind rooting for, sharing success that was hard-earned, and legitimate. Somewhere along the way, things changed. The two became annoying, whiny, menopausal bitches almost overnight. Their behavior became so embarrassing and desperate, you completely resent ever backing them in the first place. Tim Duncan’s wide-eyed stare after EVERY SINGLE call will haunt my memories of the 2008 playoffs forever.
Dennis Rodman—–> The Ultimate Warrior
Never have two one-dimensional characters received such a heaping of praise, adulation, and man-crushes from so many. Warrior was bigger than Hogan for a little while (gasp), and people couldn’t get enough of his “roid rage” induced rope shaking tantrums. Rodman, with his crazy hair and batshit behavior, managed to trump Jordan for a few days during the ’97 championship run, which is unspeakable. Despite the mobs of assholes worshipping “The Worm” and Warrior, neither is remembered as much more than a side-show who had a few big moments. For the record: I’m probably the only person who absoultely fucking HATED the Ultimate Warrior and Dennis Rodman (even as a Bull).
John Stockton—–> “Doink” The Clown
Both were dirty, and I mean dirty, players. They would resort to any level of horse-shit shenanigans to win, and were hated for it. The two also donned the WORST, most UNFLATTERING uniforms in sports history. Doink was a lard-ass, and should have never been allowed merely a spandex bodysuit to cover his gorilla titties, and Stockton’s nut-hugging boy shorts were mercifully outlawed. Jazzman was truly the NBA’s Craig Mac Tavish….
Click Here for Part 3….
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