NBA Superstars VS WWF Superstars…..Part 4

Here at 4HT, quatro is a magic number.  It signifies the greatest backfield in college football history, the greatest group ever assembled in professional wrestling, and the number of Monster energy drinks Steelhead needs to drink to shake off his infamous crippling hangovers.  Without further adiue, here’s Part 4……

Kevin McHale/Robert Parish —–> The “Road Warriors”

When Mickey and the Chief were at full capacity, opponents didn’t have a prayer.  The same can be said about Hawk and Animal.  Both duos functioned very efficiently together, and complimented each other nicely to bring out strengths, and cover weaknesses.  R.I.P. Hawk.

Chris Paul —–> Rey Mysterio Jr.

Reader Geb pointed this one out before Part 4 could be published, so I will step back and give him credit for this comparison.  Both guys are small, electric, high-flying, thoroughly enjoyable to watch, faster than the roadrunner on crack, and wildly popular with fans.  Rey is considered “The Giant Killer,” and it’s only a matter of time before CP3 earns this distinction in the NBA. 

Patrick Ewing —–> The “Big Show”

Each is a legend in their own right, but have combined for so many collossal fuck-ups, you almost forget how dominant they truly were.  The low-points:

Ewing:

  1. Getting dunked on by Jordan in MSG 
  2. Losing game 7 of the Finals to the Rockets 
  3. Playing for the Magic and Sonics

Big Show:

  1. Getting knocked out by Floyd Merriweather Jr.
  2. Losing a showdown with Goldberg
  3. Staying with NWO “Hollywood” when they were obviously on their way out.  Any group that includes Brian Adams is D.O.A. in my humble opinion….

Steve Nash —–> The “1-2-3” Kid

Tons of talent.  Tons of upside.  Two high-tempo little guys who can compete with the best of them, and went from virtual unknown to superstar.  Size constraints limit the pair from taking juggernauts head-on, but each is saavy enough to find a way to beat you.  If anyone saw that episode of VH1’s “The Surreal Life” with Syxx and Chyna, you witnessed probably the most embarrassing 30 minutes of TV.  You’re better than that kid…

Ben Wallace —–> Papa Shango

I couldn’t help myself on this one.  Two mysterious enigmas that may never be figured out.  Shango entered the ring with creepy skulls and music, never tipping his hand, or displaying raw emotion.  He was capable of dominating when motivated, but you never knew which Shango would show up.  Wallace walks on the court each game in a similar manner, indifferent, and totally unpredictable.  Big Ben can snag 20 boards, or 3.  He does this without giving the viewer even a glimpse into his inner-self.   You just never know what will happen with these two…

Isiah Thomas —–> “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff

True villains in every sense of the word.  Their incredible talent and natural abilities take a back seat to an unrivaled level of smugness and utter unlikeability.  These two notoriously delivered cheap shots numerous times in their career, and then hid behind teammates or referees to avoid an ass-kicking of Biblical proportions.  I’m man enough to admit both were absolutely great in their primes, but that’s about it…

Yao Ming —–> “Giant” Gonzalez

Two visually imposing figures, that unfortunately can’t intimidate a fucking mouse.  Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is, was, or ever will be scared of these guys.  I have a good feeling Gonzalez’s problem was that horrible air-brushed bodysuit with fur he sashayed into the ring wearing.  Regardless, Gonzo never realized his potential and dominated like he should have (0 titles), and Yao is light years away from playing a full season and having MVP caliber stats. 

Dewayne Wade —–> Sting

Two guys who jumped through the ranks quickly to become superstars.  Wade carried the Heat to a title, removing himself from Shaq’s shadow, and the Stinger took a title from Ric Flair to cement his legacy.  Each is larger than life, and can beat you literally hundreds of different ways.  These two bad-asses sit quietly, then strike with the quickness of a cobra, and by then, it’s too fucking late bro…..P.S. Hopefully D-Wade is 100% next year, so he isn’t “sitting quietly” on the bench.

Tracy McGrady —–> “Rowdy” Roddy Piper

I’m not a fan of T-Mac, but I will credit him for having balls the size of grapefruits.  Just like Hot-Rod, he NEVER BACKS DOWN.  It doesn’t matter if Mike Tyson is in his shit, these two will go toe-to-toe with anybody, anytime, anywhere, and they are quite vocal about it.  “Piper’s Pit” was one of the best segments in WWF history.  I’m a huge fan of Piper, and have even suffered through his film “They Live” numerous times to hear the infamous line included in this clip (absolutely fucking hysterical):

That’s it my friends, Happy Hour starts in an hour…….. Click here for Part 5

2 Comments

  1. Comment by Geb on May 30, 2008 8:28 am

    Dwayne Wade…Sting is awesome
    Big Show…Patrick Ewing is great
    T-Mac…Piper…atleast Piper was a second round playoff guy

  2. Comment by Geb on May 30, 2008 8:33 am

    Antoine Walker/Paul Pierce…The Dudley Boyz…toine is devon and pierce is bubba ray

    Triple H…Larry Bird…always in or around championship discussion and both dominant in their era

    Razor Ramon…Rasheed Wallace…both dirty, both trash talkers, both winners

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