Well ladies and gents, it’s that time for Part 5 of the running column comparing NBA Superstars to their WWF blood brother. Unfortunately, the gold suited and masked “Conquistadors” won’t be on the card today. Regardless, grab some popcorn, crack a PBR, sit back, and as always, prepare for greatness….
Dwight Howard —–> Goldberg
Two physical freaks who took their respective sport by storm. Neither can be matched in sheer strength or raw determination. Howard’s sick streak of 20 point, 10 rebound games parallels Goldberg’s dominating winning streak.
Manu Ginobli —–> The Iron Sheik
These guys, both foreign imports, love playing the villain. Ginobli flops around the court in a similar fashion to how the Sheik would play oppossum in the squared circle. They are very crafty, calculating each move with great precision. Every time you they are down for the count, this tandem will rise up and bury you with the killer instinct of an assassin. Stay away my friends.
Chris Mullin, Tim Hardaway —–> Tito Santana, Rick Martel
When “Run TMC” was clicking on all cylinders, Mullin and Hardaway resembled Santana and Martel’s “Strike Force” tag-team. Calm, cool, and collective, these duos dismantled opponents with high intensity and high energy that was seemingly endless. When the tandems parted ways, all hell broke loose. Mullin continued to be a class guy just like Santana’s “The Matador,” while Hardaway became an obnoxious heel, mimicking Martel’s “The Model.”
Michael Redd —–> “Special Delivery” Jones
Two superstars who will never receive any of the credit they deserve. Redd can blame being in a “small market,” while SD Jones can blame having the shittiest finishing move of all-time, the “small package.” Either way, these two stars will always be considered “small fries” compared to the greats.
Clyde Drexler —–> Koko B. Ware
“The Glide” and Koko are acquired tastes. As high-flying, exciting, and gifted they were, the two lacked “the look.” This attribute, or lack thereof, caused many a kid to shun their faces from bedroom walls or t-shirts in the 80’s. Perhaps it was Clyde’s horribly receding hairline and rat snout, or Koko’s pastel get-ups complimented by his pet parrot “Frankie.” Either way, the two made Larry Bird look like fucking Brad Pitt.
FOUR MAN MASH-UP AHEAD:
Bob Cousy—–> Dean Malenko “Iceman” George Gervin—–> Chris Jericho
Cousy and Malenko represent the lunch-pail carrying, old-school guys. The pair are throwbacks in every sense of the word. Two great champions who worked their asses off to become the best. Winning is everything, and these two defended their family name (Boston Celtics, Malenko) with unsurpassed reverence.
In come Gervin and Jericho. A pair of hot shots who are a flashy polar-opposite of their predecessors. These two were cocky, but so fucking charismatic and good, you couldn’t really bash the chip on their shoulder. Great showmen who always played to the crowd, “Iceman” and “Lionheart” never dissappointed from an entertainment standpoint.
That’s Part 5. As always, send those comments, and keep on the lookout for Part 6, which will feature Big Boss Man, Arn Anderson, and more…..
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