Each week at 4HT, one lucky individual will forever be enshrined in the “Steelhead Hall of Fame.” Qualifications for such a huge honor vary, but every member of this heralded list truly shine above the rest. Today, we salute a man who answered the call to greatness for 91 minutes straight in the 80’s classic Teen Wolf, and gave birth to the important question, “What are you looking at dicknose?” This legend/comedic genius is none other than Rupert ‘Stiles’ Stilinski.
Stiles embodies everything cool about the 80’s, and there has never been a movie character half as worthy. Let’s look at what turns this ordinary man into a myth.
1. The wardrobe
Stiles is easily the best dressed movie character of all-time. From the crazy sunglasses, wild novelty t-shirts, and infamous red pants, he is comedic poetry in motion. His discerning eye for fashion made hundreds of dollars at school, selling “Wolf Fever” shirts and accessories. This suave son of a bitch left the house every morning with one goal (besides getting ripped): To get laid. Check out what he’s wearing in this clip:
2. Titanium balls
Stiles fears nothing. Chuck Norris could throw a roundhouse his way, and he would laugh before destroying Chuck’s face with a tire iron. This carefree attitude catapaults Stiles into some interesting situations in Teen Wolf:
A) Walking into a liquor store underage to buy a keg of beer
B) Addressing a very large, mean looking basketball player: “Lemonade! My man! What it is? Look, I’m raising some cash for our school’s Afro-American festival….”
C) Bravely climbing on top of Scott’s van to “urban surf.” I can only wonder how many kids, not nearly as cool as Stiles, tried this and cracked their skull.
3. Party Fucking Animal
Stiles dominates the big party towards the beginning of the movie, and comes up with creative ways for his classmates to get freaky: i.e. Chubby eating Jello out of a girl’s shirt, throwing Scott and Boof in the closet to make out, having two scantily clad co-eds in some sort of shaving cream tug-of-war on the floor, and making a guy in drag ask the assistant principal for a piss sample. If that ain’t a party, I don’t know what the hell is.
4. Sage-like wisdom
There is nobody on the planet more intelligent than Stiles. This guy knows EVERYTHING. Some of his pearls of wisdom include:
Scott: “Stiles, do you know anything about a rash that’s going around?”
Stiles: “No. Why? You looking to catch something?”
Scott: “No, I’m serious!”
Stiles: “No….But I heard Mr. Murphy, the shop teacher, got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner.”
We salute you, Mr. Rupert Stilinski, as the inaugural member of the “Steelhead Hall of Fame.” Wear this badge of honor with great pride, for it was well earned…..If a Teen Wolf remake is ever slated for release, they might as well leave Stiles out, because there will never be another. Dude is one of a kind…
No comments yet.
Leave a comment