Karma is a Bitch: Sox Sweep Cubs

Last week was a long 7 days.  I couldn’t go anywhere without perpetual hazing from the droves of Cub fans enlightening me on their latest triumph over the Sox.  Despite the annoyance caused by said jackasses and their mouths, cooler heads prevailed.  Engaging in a pissing match with a Cub fan is pointless, and I usually laugh it off, much like when Ray Lewis chuckled after Chad Johnson said he was going to “punch the Ravens in the mouth.”  Thankfully, the ill-advised comments ceased last night after the Sox pulled out the whooping sticks and hammered away the Cubs to complete a 3 game sweep of their own, proving revenge is a dish best served cold.


With the slate wiped clean in Chicago, it’s time for the Sox to focus on what really matters, winning the division.  Although the AL Central looked like a mausoleum a few weeks ago, it now resembles a mausoleum full of flesh-eating ghouls ready to tear the Sox, and their playoff aspirations, to shreds.  Who are these ghouls?

Minnesota Twins

Leave it to the Twinks.  They are a textbook example of “team you never count out for any reason whatsoever.”  These overachieving pains in the ass have won 11 out of their last 12, and luckily play in house rival Detroit this week.  Something’s gotta give.

Why they will win the division

Spirited play, good coaching, clutch hitting, horseshoe permanentley lodged in asshole since 1991 

Why they won’t win

Erratic pitching, no power hitting, streaky pitching, shitty pitching, Boof Bonser

Detroit Tigers

Well it looks like the media’s little pre-season darling will finally start to get the publicity everyone has wanted to shat upon them all year.  The Tiggies went over .500 for the first time in franchise history this week, and look poised to continued their stern commitment to mediocrity.

Why they will win the division

Superstars on roster, players returning from injuries, bought every player in major league baseball this off-season, Leyland will rip their fucking balls off if not

Why they won’t win

Too much ground has been lost, players getting hurt pillow fighting, ace pitchers are either A) injured B) sucking ass C) in Single A ball

Cleveland Indians

Big series with the Tribe this week.  A sweep could really demoralize Cleveland, and knock them out of the picture for awhile.  This team goes up and down, but is known for going on tears in the second half.

Why they will win the division

Young players with lots of energy, solid pitching, best fielding % in the bigs

Why they won’t win

C.C. Sabathia leaving, can’t hit for shit, Major League II and III were bombs

Kansas City Royals

Before you laugh, the Royals have actually resembled a professional baseball team the last week and a half.  They are 7-3 over the last 10, and are no longer alone in the division’s cellar.  Don’t expect too much else though.

Why they will win the division

Natural disasters destroy every other ballpark, Guillen, Gardenhire, Wedge, and Leyland all go to Vegas and put $2 million on the Royals. 

Why they won’t win

(Insert your best Royals joke here)

So that’s what we’re up against.  I like the Sox and their chances right now, but the second half is ready to rear it’s ugly head, and we know what that has done lately. 


1 Comment(s)

  1. Comment by Jimbo's on July 15, 2008 8:36 pm

    As a devout Sox fan, I can tell you THE one reason the Sox will not win it all again…..They love to break the hearts of the fans! They will tease you, and then BAM….go to shit because of (pick one) Hitting/Starting Pitching/Bullpen/Fielding. 2005 was great, but enjoy it and continue to use that as ammunition to Cubs fans, unless of course they win this year.

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