Bulls fans have had much adversity to deal with in the last decade. Disastrous campaigns, horrible draft picks, horrible trades, untimely injuries. You name it, and most likely we have suffered through it. The big story this week is just another dose of discouragement. Only one and a half exhibition games into his NBA career, Bulls rookie point guard Derrick Rose has been sidelined with injury. Although not serious, I contacted family friend, and reputable doctor, Fred Manrique, to get the answers I needed. Enclosed is a transcript of our conversation, and I now have faith D-Rose isn’t destined to be the next #22.
Thursday July 10, 2008 1:32 AM (S=Steelhead D=Dr. Manrique)
D: (tired, quiet voice) Hello?
S: Dr. Manrique! It’s me Steelhead! Long time no talk! Look dude, I have some serious questions!
D: Christ……it’s past midnight son. Unless it’s an utter emergency, quit yelling in my fucking ear, and call me tomorrow.
S: I HAVE to know about D-Rose…….Will he be ok? Will he? Will he?
D: D-Who? How the hell am I supposed to know? Why are you calling me in the middle of the night to ask me this? Are you drunk?
S: Irrelevant…..Anyhoo, what can you tell me about tendinitis doc, is it serious? Can a 19 year old kid who has it in his knee be resorted to a short career, like say 1 1/2 practice squad games short?
D: Not to sound redundant, but how in the hell am I supposed to know?
S: Because you’re a freaking doctor Dr. Manrique, and in all due respect, my family chose your practice because you have the same name as a former White Sox 2nd basemen. My dad looked through the yellow pages, and when he saw there wasn’t a Dr. Pasqua in the area, he settled for you.
D: (obviously agitated) I’m flattered, but why would I be an expert on tendinitis? I’m a DENTIST you inebriated mongoloid fuck! Perhaps if you got your teeth cleaned this decade you would realize that, if you have any left. Your choppers probably look like rotten baked beans, and I’m pretty sure your mouth smells like all the distilleries in Kentucky threw a flaming wad of fecal matter into it. Secondly, who gives a shit about Derrick Rose? I told my patients all month the Bulls will flop worse than Dolly Parton’s titties during a marathon if they took him! Opinionated asshole sports writers like you ruined our team! Beasley was the choice! Want me to spell it out for you cocksucker? B-E-A-S-L-E-Y!
D: (takes a deep breath) Look kid. If you must know, tendinitis is an overuse injury. I used to get it in my elbow playing tennis at the country club with Corey Haim. D-Rose has obviously overused his knee, and this is what caused it. He played a long season, taking Memphis all the way to the end, and….
S: (still unnerved from the beratement, I take a swig of Beam) Is it…….fatal?
D: (not happy to be interrupted) Don’t fucking talk again unless I tell you to. Where was I? Tendinitis results in tiny microtears in muscle fibers. In this particular case, the microtears are occuring in Rose’s knee. His knee has an abundance of tendon repair cells right now, but it is lacking inflammatory cells. The bottom line is this: D-Rose needs to strengthen his knee in order to alleviate the pain associated with the injury. He is a young man, and is still growing into his body, so this is a problem that should work itself out with conditioning. Rose may feel mild to moderate pain from time to time, but tendinitis won’t end his career, or in your bizzare drunken fantasy world, kill him.
S: Thank you Dr. Manrique. I can sleep better tonight knowing that.
D: Your bigger concern should be his 5 turnovers to 4 assists in the Heat game, and Beasley’s monstrous ability to dominate. 28 points, 9 boards chump. Your precious little “Gummy Bear” looked utterly lost, putting up only 10 while forcing bad shots. What do you got to say about that shitmouth?
S: Everyone knew Beasley would be able to score points doc. It’s the complete package the Bulls were looking for, and I think they found it in Rose. Forwards can step into the league and dominate instantly on the offensive side of the glass, while guards need time to adjust to the NBA’s style of play. Comparing the two based on their performances in this game is asinine. 1) It is exhibition 2) Look at the positions they play and my previous comments. Rose is a point guard aka the Bulls quarterback. Peyton Manning had a much harder time lighting up scoreboards his rookie season than say Randy Moss or Adrian Peterson. You can’t expect a PG to come into the league and dazzle from day one.
D: So you stand by your pick then numbnuts? You really think D-Rose will lead the Bulls back to glory some day?
S: Absolutely. If the draft was tomorrow, I’d make the same pick. Tyrus Thomas will be in break-out mode this season, and Hinrich will help bring Rose along. The bar is still set very high for this young team, and I’m quite excited to see what the future holds in Chicago.
D: I hope you’re right for once dickface. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need my rest. I’m performing an emergency root canal on Ron Karkovice tomorrow morning at 7.
S: Karko? No shit? Can I come in and have him sign my 1987 7-11 Sportflix Slurpee Collector’s Coin?
D: Once an asshole, always an asshole…….(hangs up phone)
S: Doc? Doc? Dammit…….(takes swig of Beam)
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