Sox in first place at the break…..midseason awards

54-40…….1 1/2 games up.  Heading into the midsummer classic, we are over half way done, and the mighty White Sox continue to exceed my wildest expectations.  Before falling into the meat grinder known as Texas, our South Siders proved they can play with anyone, and are more than capable of getting the big hit or stellar pitching performance needed for a serious playoff run.  Many questions remain unanswered, but you gotta feel pretty damn good right now.  Time to hand out some hardware…..

Harold Baines Platinum Grill (Team MVP): Jermaine Dye

There is no doubt in my mind on this one.  JD has been the shining star of the offense, and after experiencing a rough start, #23 put together an incredible June.  Dye has been THE go to guy since.  He is playing so well, it almost appears his running speed has increased from ludicrously slow to pedestrian slow.  Key Stats: .306 BA, 21 HR

Jason Bere Golden Mound (Best Pitcher): John Danks

Danky has the most misleading record in baseball.  At 7-4, people have overlooked his remarkable ability to dominate opponents for 6-7 innings a game.  You can’t blame a guy for getting the start each time Sox sluggers decide to lay down and blow bubbles instead of swing the bat. 3 times this season Danks has seen his supporting offense get shut out.  Ouch.  Regardless, the reliable starter has bolstered a sometimes shaky rotation, and is clearly Chicago’s ace as we speak.  Key Stats: 114.2 IP, 2.67 ERA

Albert Belle Lead Sinker (Most Overpaid and Underachieved): Paul Konerko

Oh Paulie, how did it ever come to this?  Thome should have been a lock for this award, but you just wouldn’t have it.  Before going on the DL, Konerko’s season resembled a steaming pile of dog shit.  After coming back, Konerko’s season resembles a luke warm pile of dog shit.  He goes 4-4 on Saturday to bring your hopes up, then 0-6 on Sunday to tear them down.  When will Ozzie put Swish back at first and platoon Wise and Anderson in center?  Key Stats: $12 M per, .217 BA, 9 HR, 34 RBI

Scotty Fletcher Tube of KY (Butterfingers): Joe Crede

People who don’t watch Sox games regularly may believe Crede is the greatest defensive 3rd basemen of all-time.  Once a week, he will make a circus play that is put on an ESPN Web Gems endless loop.  These people don’t see the Joe who lets a routine grounder slip right through his legs, or a misjudged chopper go flying into the chest.  Let’s can the Gold Glove talk Hawk, it’s not fooling anyone.  Key Stat: 17 E

Ivan Calderon Memorial Trophy (Inconsistent Play): Nick Swisher

Swish has been the gold standard of inconsistency this season.  You never know what you are going to get, other than a few giggles watching him waddle around the field.  Steve Swisher’s son’s play has dramatically improved over the last month, and I hope to see him come up big on a more consistent basis.  To be fair to Swish, about 6 different guys could have taken this award home.  Key Stats: .176 BA in May, .315 BA in June

Jerry Manuel Silver Lemon (Best Overreaction): Don Cooper

Hard to believe this one doesn’t go to Ozzie, but DC’s meltdown in the Dodgers series will go down in the books as one of the best displays of “I’m really pissed, but totally hamming it up” ever by an assistant.  Coop may be the first coach to ever go on the DL after a tirade. Key Stats: One pulled hamstring, and one discarded piece of chewed bubblegum

Ron Karkovice Brass Balls Plaque (Team Leader): AJ Pierzynski

AJ is the cork that stops a leak,  the anchor that stops a ship from crashing into rocks, the trainer from Mike Tyson’s Punchout who doles out advice and guidance moments before Mr. Sandman sends you to dreamland, the mother hen who protects young eggs, the…..God I’m drunk, but you get the point.  Pierzynski is the glue that holds the house of cards together, and the young pitchers would not be experiencing such success without him.  Key Stat: Nintendo DS’s owned 1

Bobby Thigpen Pack of Rolaids (Dramatic Finisher): Bobby Jenks

Before going on the DL, Jenks was always reliable for a “hold on to the edge of your fucking seat” finish.  More times than not he got the job done, but each occasion you couldn’t help but get a tad bit nervous.  Here’s to a speedy recovery big man, we need your fastball, and late inning presence, to continue the pennant race.  Kwy Stats: 18 Sv, 275 lbs.

Ray Durham Winged Shoes (Blazing Speed): Alexei Ramirez

Ramirez has become a household name in minutes during his breakout season with the Sox.  The “Cuban Missile” is lightning fast, has a missile-like arm, and is playing some of the best all-around baseball you will ever see.  The scary part is, Alex is still learning the game, and will only get better.  I love watching him taunt pitchers by setting up for a bunt, watching the entire infield prepare for it, then beating the throw by two steps.  Key Stat: .312 BA

Donnie Hill Commemorative Cap (You’re Still Here?): Juan Uribe

Every once in a while, if you look closely enough, Uribe is lurking in the shadows, waiting to sniff the infield again and strike out on 3 straight fastballs.  The bad news for Juan is Cabrera and Ramirez look like they are going to stay awhile, so he better get used to the pine and Coop’s horrendous body odor.  Key Stat: .219 BA

Craig Grebeck Immortality Award  (Who the hell is that guy?): Carlos Quentin

It certainly didn’t take too long for C-Quen to earn my trust in the lineup and waive any investigations of his unknown past.  Quentin’s story checks out, and he is an AL All-Star, which is quite a feat considering he is A) Not the 5th string batboy for Boston or B) Not in a relationship with any members of the Yankees.  Key Stats: .276, 22 HR, 70 RBI

So there you have it.  Buckle up, because the second half is going to be one hell of a ride…..GO SOX!!!!

1 Comment(s)

  1. Comment by pignipple on July 14, 2008 8:10 pm

    Come on Steelhead, no Ron Kittle hardware? And remember the greatest quote of all time”The North(side) will rise again”-David allen Coe VII

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a comment