Good Gawd: Sports Ugliest Athletes

Some guys have all the luck.  Tom Brady has Super Bowl rings and Giselle, Derek Jeter has celebrated World Series titles along with dating a slew of ridiculously hot women, and Marko Jaric has inexplicably bagged the hottest woman on earth.  Although these stories can be quite inspiring to an everyday dreamer such as myself, the fact remains that, no matter how much “fortune and glory” is accumulated, I will still be one ugly mug.  Luckily, us homely fellows are not alone.  Here are some guys that, although may have millions of dollars and would kick your ass, definitely can’t point fingers. 


Ronald Jerome Jones, Basketball

Jones went by his wildly popular moniker Popeye throughout his 12 season stint as an NBA journeyman, but his face was much less popular.  Popeye had his best season in Dallas, and made the Maverick faithful reconsider sitting courtside numerous times.

Mickey Morandini, Baseball
Morandini is a legend in both Philly and Chicago, and matched his tenacious, gritty play with tenacious, gritty looks.  Mickey definitely didn’t help his cause by complimenting his general fugliness with a nasty Bird stache and ratty mullet. 

Sam Cassell, Basketball

No explanation needed here. “The Alien” has had his looks bashed up and down the court for years, so I’ll refrain from going any further, and instead bash his erratic play and shitty shot selection. 

Jay Fiedler, Football

Those rabbit ears…….That rat snout……..Fiedler proved you can attend an Ivy League school, and start for the desperate Dolphins, despite looking like Fievel from An American Tail.

Jesse Orosco, Baseball

Orosco was one ugly dude as a relief pitcher for 9 different MLB teams during his 58 year career in the bigs.  I used to have nightmares that Jesse and his sinister, pockmarked face was hiding under my bed.  He makes his brother, Anton Chigurh, look like the goddamn tooth-fairy.

Tracy McGrady, Basketball

T-Mac has never been applauded for his looks, and he sure as hell won’t here.  McGrady looks like he was hit in the face with a brick, and perhaps his back problems stem from his spine desperately trying to flee what is attached upstairs. 

Julian Tavares, Baseball

It’s a shame Tavares pitches, because he would be the PERFECT villain in ANY movie.  The guy is perhaps one of the most repugnant looking athletes in modern history.  He wouldn’t even have to talk for his movie career.  Jules could just sit there in all black, smoke un-filtered cigarettes, and maniacally laugh as a school bus full of kittens flies over the edge of a cliff. 

Gheorghe Muresan, Basketball

It honestly doesn’t get much better than MuresanMy Giant slugged out an NBA career sporting a mug that resembled a 7′ 7″ 300 lb. child wearing Groucho Marx glasses.  The ugly (no shit) Romanian center is a member of the “Andre the Giant Hall of Fame for Oversized Athletes who Awkwardly Starred in Movies” along with Wilt Chamberlain.

Ha Seung-Jin, Basketball

Following the proud footsteps of unattractive foreign centers is Ha.  This Korean “prodigy” was drafted in the 2nd round of the 2004 NBA draft, but failed to impress any teams with his play…………. or looks. 

Ezequiel Astacio, Baseball (not for the timid)

Astacio is by far the crown jewel of this group.  I had the displeasure of feasting my eyes on the former Astros hurler for the first (and fortunately last) time during the 2005 World Series.  He came in and served up the game winning homer to Geoff “Blumpy”Blum in an uber-exciting 14 inning Game 3.  He is currently out of work, seeing that haunted houses don’t open until October. 

I realize there are dozens more athletes sorely in need of being mentioned here, so be a sport and add your reccommendations.


  1. Comment by Geb on August 19, 2008 11:58 pm

    randy johnson

  2. Pingback by Are you ugly? compare yourself to some of the ugliest athletes « Sports time make it rain style on August 24, 2008 6:14 pm

    […] you ugly? compare yourself to some of the ugliest athletes I was doing some searching on the ugliest athletes and found some interesting results.  Suprisingly i didn’t make the list i guess the arizona […]

  3. Comment by pbmcfadden on September 22, 2008 9:31 pm

    come on its gotta be Marshawn Lynch

  4. Comment by hnswrd on February 19, 2009 7:36 am

    Marshawn Lynch, for sure. that guy looks like the spawn of sasquatch and the Neanderthal Man.

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