If I had to wait any longer for the 2008 college football season to kick off, this post would be written from a mental hospital. The last few weeks have dragged on relentlessly, and that breaking point where something bad might happen is here. Luckily my prayers will be answered this Thursday, and, as a Domer through and through, things can’t be any worse than the Irish’s disastrous 2007 campaign. We will refrain from any further comments on that matter (or Notre Dame in general) until Sept. 6, when they kick off against San Diego St. In the meantime, let’s take a peek at Steel’s pre-season top 10. Let the debates begin…
10. Texas (Big 12)
The ‘Horns are projected to have a down year, but it’s implausible to think they aren’t a top 10 team. Mack Brown has finally added coaching to his repetoire, and it has complemented his recruiting prowess nicely. UT has tough road games (T-Tech and Kansas), but plays Mizzou at home. Oklahoma will still be a top 5 team when the “Red River Rivalry*” is played, giving the Hookers more motivation to completely fuck Okie’s season. Bonus points for the extraordinary amount of gorgeous femmes down there.
*Changing the “Red River Shootout’s” name is almost as unforgivable as changing Comiskey Park to U.S. Cellular Field
Chaps….who wouldn’t be excited?
9. West Virginia (Big East)
Ranked 9th based solely on their joke of a schedule. The Mountaineers should cruise until their home date with Auburn, and we need to slap the shit out of anyone that thinks East Carolina is a quality opponent. The only other remotely intriguing out-of-conference matchup is against Colorado in Boulder, but that generates about the same fanfare of a Yanni concert. Make no mistake however: Noel Devine is one of the most explosive players in college football, and it will be interesting to see how new coach Bill Stewart uses him. If they beat Auburn, I’m listening.
Projection: 10-2 (Big East Champs)
There’s no way that guy’s a college student
8. Auburn (SEC)
Perhaps this ranking is a little high, but as far as SEC schedules go, old War Eagle’s is quite favorable. The Tigers get LSU, Tennessee, and Georgia at home, and avoid a regular season clash with the Gators. Their biggest test outside of the conference is the aforementioned trip to Morgantown, and you can bet the road warriors from ‘Burn will be ready.
Projection: 9-3 (SEC Champs/Longshot D’jour)
One of college football’s best traditions
7. Missouri (Big 12)
I just can’t get too excited for Mizzou this year. On paper, they should be formidable, but I smell letdown after last season’s improbable run. They avoid Oklahoma in the regular season, and only have one big road test in Austin. The Tigers first game against out-of-conference rival Illinois should give us a good idea what their, and Heisman hopeful Chase Daniel’s intentions are this season.
Good luck Chase, it’s all on you
6. LSU (SEC)
The reigning National Champs are still a very solid team, but question marks at the quarterback position keep the Bayou Bengals out of the top 5. Their defense can take over a game when fired up, and plenty of that insane “SEC speed” returns to that side of the ball. The loss of dipshit QB Ryan Perriloux will be felt all season if Harvard transfer Andrew Hatch can’t fill the void. Road games against Auburn and Florida also hurt any chance of a repeat.
Uhhhh…..crawfish boil at my place ladies?
5. Ohio St. (Big 10)
I don’t have the heart to put the Buckeyes any higher, but they definitely deserve to be top 5, for there is way too much returning talent on both sides of the ball to discredit their chances. They should cruise through the Big 10 schedule, and seemingly the only potential roadblock is heading north to Madison for the Wisconsin game. All eyes will be glued to their idiot boxes September 13, when OSU invades LA for a showdown with USC. You can bet your sweet ass we will all be murmuring, “Please don’t embarrass yourself on national television again Big 10, please don’t embarrass……..”
Projection: 10-2 (Big 10 Champs)
Should have left after Ginn’s opening return sir…..
4. Florida (SEC)
The Gators outlook is good, and it should be fairly smooth sailing until “The World’s Largest…” I mean “Florida-Georgia Game.” The only potential test in sight is the one in Knoxville against Tennessee. Look for Percy Harvin and Tim Tebow to continue being the apple of Verne Lundquist’s eye, and the Swamp to be rockin’ and rolling when LSU comes to town October 11th. The Gators have revenge on their mind after giving last year’s game away.
Hostile ground in Gainesville
3. Georgia (SEC)
They would have easily been pres-season number one, but a grueling conference schedule mixed with a spring filled with injuries and arrests drop the Bulldogs stock a tad. Quarterback Matt Stafford and Heisman-caliber running back Knowshon Moreno will set the pace, but don’t expect a wire-to-wire number one finish in the real polls. The trip to Tempe will provide a barometer for UGA’s season forecast.
Gotta love this little guy
2. Oklahoma (Big 12)
The Sooners are on the verge of finally living up to the massive expectations the city of Norman and coach Bob Stoops heap upon them every season. Quarterback Sam Bradford is ready for primetime, and a VERY favorable schedule ensures a top 3 finish. No Mizzou, and UT and Kansas at home are a godsend.
Projection: 11-1 (Big 12 Champs)
The Boomer Sooner is funnier looking tipped over
1. USC (Pac-10)
I know. How can a devout Irish fan put the hated Trojans at number one? The answer is simple: schedule. The University of Spoiled Children plays every significant game in the friendly confines of the Coliseum, where they have been virtually unstoppable in the last few years. Linebackers Rey Maualuga and Brian Cushing are as tough as they come, and will anchor a defense that will be out for blood. I hope Ohio St. quarterback Todd Boeckman’s Blue Cross is paid off.
Projection: 11-1 (Pac-10 Champs)
Holy shit….There’s a game on???
That leaves us with the typical mess when Bowls are picked. Here’s what I’ve got:
BCS Championship: USC over Oklahoma
Rose Bowl: Ohio St. over Arizona St.
Sugar Bowl: Auburn over Missouri
Orange Bowl: West Virginia over Virginia Tech
Fiesta Bowl: Florida over Wisconsin
Sun Bowl: Notre Dame OVER California (Book it!)
Feel free to remind me every week after these asinine picks blow the fuck up…….until then, shout out who you got
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