White Sox Sign Overweight Rodeo Clown

The Yankees have had perhaps the busiest off-season in MLB history.  A.J. Burnett……Mark Teixera……… and of course the literally mammoth event of landing  400 lb. tomato can C.C. Sabathia for over $100 million.  With New York hell bent on world domination, Red Sox Nation is collectively shitting their pants, the Sun Rays are mailing it in, and the eternal douchebag Cubbies are pitifully trying to stay in the news by “reviving Peavy talks.” 

Let’s face it, no team has the testicular fortitude to go toe-to-toe with the Bronx in a bidding war.  Many have tried, and all failed miserably.  Apparently beating NY on the field is more important to these assholes than opening grandma’s checkbook and outspending them.  This common conception that the rest of the MLB is too frugal to compete was shattered earlier today, when the pesky White Sox threw a COOL MILLION for the services of 86 year old fireballer Bartolo Colon.


$1 million…….Second city my ass

Today’s ceremonial breaking of the piggy bank on the South Side is just what this team needs for ’09.  GM Kenny Williams is about as rogue as they come, and throwing a million freaking dollars at Bart proves that.  I DARE you to name another GM with the cajones to spend such an absurdly high amount of money on a man who moonlights as chief clown on the PBR Rodeo Circuit

All kidding aside: Colon may not be the highest paid player in the league this season, but he certainly will be the most overpaid.  This guy is a triple-bypass waiting to happen.  Every day I think the ’09 season will be laughable at best, shit like this multiplies the laugh factor by 3.  How high could you possibly be?  Who on earth thought this was even remotely a reasonable signing?  I feel like I’m gonna puke……

Not only is Bart way too old to pull his “throw the ball as hard as I can every pitch” routine, but the injury bug that lives in the clown wig he wears under his cap during games will most certainly bite his arm at some point.  This guy will be collecting social security (if our fine government decides we still get it) by the all-star break.   

“Sox hope he can stay healthy enough to be the no. 4 starter.”  That actual quote itself exudes more wishful thinking than, “I really hope Joe Orsulak and Kurt Stillwell make the Hall of Fame.”  I realize that splitting hairs by chastising  a cheap rental/last stand for a former member of the Pale Hose is unnecessary, but duct-taping a hole in a sinking ship is just plain unforgiveable……..




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