With another season of college football in the books, the NFL 3 games away from completion, hockey being on TV once every millenium, and the NBA ceasing to be relevant for a decade now, I turn to college basketball to fill the void. You know what I’m talking about: the insatiable void that can only be filled with sports. The one that can’t be denied, and compels you to pour a Beam at 8 AM on Saturday, and grab the remote, in hopes of the tube spewing out an elite conference donnybrook between ranked teams.
We are in luck gentlemen. The college hoops gods have decided to answer our prayers, and granted 5 matchups between ranked teams today, all deemed “sexy” or “intriguing” by ESPN’s Jay Bilas (always a plus). Glenn Robinson may not be throwing a thunderous dunk on Greg Ostertag’s head to reach the Elite 8 today, but we can still enjoy the show, and try not to piss ourselves.
Away with the picks:
#1 Pittsburgh AT #20 Louisville
The Panthers are in a tough spot this weekend. Despite being undefeated, ranked #1, and led by Dejuan Blair, arguably the most dominant player in college hoops, NOBODY cares. These kids picked a bad year to get off to a blistering start, for the hometown Steelers playing for a Super Bowl berth tomorrow trumps everything in America’s second city of steel. Not only are they shunned at home, but underdogs today in Freedom Hall. Is it too early to have a seance for Rodney Dangerfield?
Amazing how much better a team gets without a gunner that shoots 15 three pointers a game
#12 Georgetown AT #2 Duke
Let’s be honest, G-town is wishy washy at best, and utterly overrated. The Hoyas are going to lay an egg today, proving that notion. The Cameron Crazies will be in full force for Duke, solidifying the nerdy contingent’s legacy as “college sports most over-exposed pile of whiny, annoying shit.” Coach K wins big games that don’t involve the tournament, so expect one for the Blue Devils today.
#3 Wake Forest AT #9 Clemson
Coming off a thrilling home victory against UNC, the Demon Dekes are rewarded by being road ‘dogs against an unproven Clemson team. The Tigers are 16-0, but have failed to play a ranked team so far. Does this mean that Wake is going to rip them in Death Valley? Not necessarily, seeing nobody knows how good Clemson really is. If you are a betting man, PLEASE stay away from this one.
Pick: Wake Forest (only because I know what I’m getting from them)
Guess I should have known what I was getting from her that night…….
#15 Arizona St. AT #7 UCLA
Now for the dreaded Pac-10 game. There’s something about that conference, especially in basketball, that fails to keep my attention. The football games, which resemble two hookers swinging their purses at each other, can be mildly entertaining at times, but the basketball is pathetic at best. I have watched the Sun Devils a few times this season, and left with the feeling “how the shit are these guys ranked?” 2 out of 3 times. The same can said for the Bruins seven spot. Despite my criticism, this should be a decent game that I will watch. Unless ASU stud James Harden scores 30 plus, the Devils are in trouble today.
You twisted my arm….I’ll watch the first half
#13 Notre Dame AT #8 Syracuse
Let me tell it to you as clean as I can: Notre Dame is the 13th ranked team in the country AT HOME, but are somewhere between 30-40 on the road. The Irish have played like absolute shit against conference opponents on the road, and today will be no different. The ‘Cuse will push an up-tempo, fast break offense, and ND won’t be able to keep up. This game has blowout written all over it. I would watch, but the mere thought of seeing white trash all-star extrordinaire Eric Devendorf act like he is a legitimate NBA prospect makes me want to bong Tilex. The Orange(men) win big.
Pick: Syracuse (Start the “Just Like Football!” chants you assholes………)
“Hi! I’m obsolete because of the corporate fucktards at Nike…..I miss DC, Billy Owens, and Sherman Douglas.”
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