The baseball world was turned upside-down yesterday when news broke that the Chicago White Sox dealt young stud pitcher/adult film star Lance Broadway to the New York Mets for the ageless Cuban dictator/ backup catcher Ramon Castro.
The move, albeit a strange one, makes sense for both teams. Chicago gets a feisty Latino that isn’t one to mince words to compliment Sox skipper Ozzie Guillen, and New York receives much needed sex appeal in the locker room to compliment dreamy (to 12 year old girls) third basemen David Wright.
Broadway has been the crown jewel of the Sox farm system for a few years now, and rumors are swirling that his sudden departure, after numerous refusals to deal the budding superstar, solely lie on his subpar performance in John Hambone, an adult parody of the popular Rambo movie franchise. According to agent Max Uppercut, Broadway had problems “holding his glue” during a crucial scene with the movie’s villain, “Ilga Slutskovag,” played by Tera Patrick.
Castro, much like Broadway, was considered a prize of the Mets organization until his time ran out yesterday. He is notorious for having a short temper, and it fueled a brawl with the cross-town Yankees last year that left rival catcher Jorge Posada testicle-less. Fans will never forget Castro’s stirring 5 minute, “Fuck you Yankees!” chant after the donnybrook was cleared up. His ability to produce excellent cigars, and “treat everyone equally” is a memory Mets ace Johan Santana will cherish forever.
In all reality, this trade is horrible in my humble opinion. Sure the Sox desperately need a catcher that can keep runners honest, but mortgaging a large part of the future to do so doesn’t make much sense. Broadway will tear up the Big Apple, and here we are with a Jorge Fabregas clone at our disposal. If you remember Fabregas, may God have mercy on our tortured souls…..
Found this on E-Bay…..buy it now for $0.02
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