The NBA Finals are watchable now thanks to….this guy

The countdown to the NBA Finals has almost reached zero.  We have suffered through two months of crappy commercials and media blitzes hyping the (at the time) inevitable Lebron/Kobe puppet showdown, but with Cleveland getting knocked out, I am happy to say this series will actually have my attention now.


A Cavs/Lakers Finals would have  been what I call the “Tubgirl Scenario,”  seeing I would rather stare at Tubgirl for 18 hours every day this decade than watch one minute of a Kobe/Lebron Finals.  Anytime two teams or players face off that you absolutely cannot fucking stand, you have a textbook “T.S.”


A marketing campaign that went up in flames worse than “Dan VS Dave” in the 1992 Olympics…..

With the Magic making the Finals, there is actually a team to root for now.  Orlando can slay the mighty Lakers on the biggest of stages, and deny Kobe any credibility of being a top 20 caliber player all-time.  Call me crazy, but my top 20 is reserved for players who win championships as the ALPHA DOG of their team, and don’t lose 3 Finals in a row.  Kobe has a chance to make the former OR latter happen, so we’ll see.  How many top tier NBA greats can you name that never won a Finals MVP award?  (Hint: ZERO)


Don’t cry Kobe, you are still in my Top 50…..

It doesn’t take Sir Alfred E. Newman to figure out why I’ll be heavily rooting for the Magic in this series.  Conceptions are obvious, but trust me,  it has nothing to do with the fact that:

A) The Lakers are a pampered West Coast franchise in a fickle (albeit large) market that thinks their shit doesn’t stink

B) Laker fans are the most obnoxious, fair-weathered, basketball illiterate fans on the planet

C) Kobe is an immature, selfish crybaby that continues to alienate the entire world except for the delusional “Kobe Kids” that ransack message board spewing bile about how great of a player and person he is

D) Pau Gasol has turned into a bigger whiner/flopper than fellow import Anderson Varejo


Be prepared to see alot of this (actually, is it even considered a flop if you are a gigantic pussy that can’t absorb any sort of contact without getting teary-eyed?).

The true reason I’ll be rooting for the Magic balls-out in this series is the immortal Hedo Turkoglu.  The dude is hilarious to watch both on and off the court.  I predict Hedo hits an important shot in the closing minute (possibly the game winner) at least once, and we are treated to the most hilarious post-game interview of all-time.  Put it this way, IF the Magic can pull off an upset in this series, I’ll buy a Hedo jersey.  A KINGS ONE of course…..


I’m jealous


  1. Comment by diaper dandy on June 4, 2009 3:54 pm

    “Now go do…that voodoo…that Hedo so wellllllllll!!!!!”

  2. Comment by Josh on June 8, 2009 10:41 am

    Or as local radio host Gambo literally pronounces his name: “TURK-AH-GLUE”

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