Hall of Fame Jerseys You’d Never Wear: Part-4 NHL

Well here it is, the fourth and final installment of 4HT’s series on HOF jerseys fans should never wear.  We have already looked at the NBA, NFL, and MLB, so only hockey remains.  Since approximaely 14 people will read this, I’ll keep it short and sweet.  Away we go…

gretzkybluesSome players are not currently in the HOF, but will be at a later date

Wayne Gretzky—>Blues

I’m speechless here.  Not only are those uniforms absolutely hideous, but any Blues fan with the sand to actually blow $100+ on a Great One jersey in 1996 is basically throwing up two middle fingers to St. Louis legend Brett Hull.  If you are one of said people, hope it was worth it.

Bobby Orr—>Blackhawks

Orr is a Boston icon, plain and simple.  The all-world, all-class superstar spent only 3 injury plagued seasons in Chicago, but never showed the flashes of greatness that made him “The greatest Bruin to ever live.”  Hawk fans have too much pride to adorn themselves in a #4 sweater, as does everyone else.

orr

Bobby is rumored to never cash a check from the Blackhawks because of injuries, what a badass

Brian Trottier—>Penguins

Trots won an astounding 6 Stanley Cups during his career as a player, including a “fourpeat” with the Islanders.  His two with the Penguins, although impressive, weren’t nearly as significant seeing his contribution was minimal.  With all the other great players on that loaded Pittsburgh roster, Pen fans should let Long Islanders cling to this hall of famer.

trots

Pen fans are hording Malkin sweaters anyways these days

Ray Bourque—>Avalanche

We all understood Bourque left Boston to win a Stanley Cup, but #77 will be a Bruin until the rapture.  Ray was one of the best defenders to ever lace up skates, and is an undisputed badass in NHL ’95 for the Sega Genesis.  He was one of  only a few players rated in the high “90’s,” and it was absolutely impossible to score on the fast, hard hitting, ice bully.

bourque

Well deserved ending to a great career, but it should have happened in Beantown

Denis Savard—>Lightning

Another pretty straightforward one.  The Lightning have won more Stanley Cups (1) in their short existence than 3 of the Original Six in that time-frame.  Am I bitter about this?  Yes.  Does hockey belong in Florida? No.  Should all Lightning jerseys be burned?  Maybe.  Do any of the 100 Tampa fans even know who Savvy is?  Probably not. 

savvy

The man who got Chicago to “Commit to the Indian”

Grant Fuhr—>Flames

The bulk of Fuhr’s productive career between the pipes was done in an Oilers jersey.  Seeing that Flame fans have some serious hatred for their rivals from Edmonton, you won’t see too many of these guys in circulation.  If you really want a Calgary jersey, get a Lanny MacDonald one, grow a big-ass “ginger beard,” and get it over with for crissakes.

fuhr1Toys aren’t cool anytime, but a Fuhr Flames one is even less cool

Pat Lafontaine—>Rangers

Laffy put up very respectable numbers with the Rangers his last season in the NHL, but when the bread and butter of your career was completed on the OTHER two teams in New York, you have an unwearable jersey.

laffy

Pat moments before a concussion I’m sure…

Brett Hull—>Coyotes

The Golden Jet’s son will always be the first son of St. Louis.  As a Blue, Brett was a scoring machine, and that trend continued in Dallas, where he won his first Stanley Cup.  Seeing the ‘Yotes are going belly up, and managed to accomplish absolutely nothing in their entire existence (time in Winnipeg included), stay away from this one. 

bretthull

I’m here because I like to golf…..and the check cleared

Peter Forsberg—>Predators

The Scandanavian oaf dominated during his days in Colorado, and that is all you need to know.  Seriously, that’s all you need to know.  I’m not shitting you, that’s it. 

forsberg

“After I take this shit-rag off, I’m retiring an Av, with dignity.”

Ed Belfour—>Panthers

Eddie the Eagle is a legend in both Chicago and Minnesota.  Hawk fans will always love him, and “North Star” fans were the only ones who really gave a crap when the Dallas Stars won it all.  Hockey in Florida has already been established as a no-no, so this jersey can be thrown in the pile of burning Lightning ones. 

eagle

Eagle, moments before getting pelted with rubber rats.  Grow up people.

Mark Messier—Canucks

No doubt Messier has a huge following in hockey circles, but how can any Canuck fan (who isn’t self-loathing) put on this jersey after the 1994 Stanley Cup Finals?  Go with Pavel Bure or Trevor Linden instead, you’ll thank me later.

messier

Not to mention, he was part of the “Evil Empire” in Edmonton

Time for a “TWO FOR TUESDAY”

Gordie Howe, Bobby Hull—>Whalers

Before I get pelted with harpoons, allow me to state on record that Hartford had some of the sweetest jerseys ever manufactured.  It has been a dream of mine to own a Zarley Zalapski one for a decade now.  Even though the Whale is void of superstars like many other franchises, Gordie Howe is untouchable.  Mr. Hockey only played there to be with his kids, and was 187 years old during that stint.  Hockeytown is the only place a “Gordie Howe Hat-trick” belongs (goal, assist, fight in one game).  On a side note, the “Steelhead Hat-trick” is: A) Drink a bottle of cheap whiskey B) Piss yourself  C) Have sex with the fattest woman in the bar

The Golden Jet is part of the “holy trinity” of Blackhawk greats, that includes Stan Mikita, and Tony Esposito.  We have the longest Cup drought in the league, so show a little fucking decency here. 

bobby

Barf….

gordie

Puke…

Honorable Mention:

  • Dale Hawerchuk—>Flyers
  • Ron Francis—>Maple Leafs
  • Brendan Shanahan—>Rangers
  • Paul Coffey—>Blackhawks

 

1 Comment(s)

  1. Pingback by nuclear bomb » Mike Green (ice hockey) on July 5, 2009 2:06 pm

    […] Hall of Fame Jerseys You'd Never Wear: Part-4 NHL | Four Horsemen … […]

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