(Not So) Steaming Piles of Crap: Athlete Endorsed Sega Games

The Genesis is by far and away Sega’s most successful video game system.  Although many people prefer the Super Nintendo as their 16-bit mothership, there is no debating one thing:  The Genesis blew the SNES out of the water when it came to sports games.  EA Sports and Sega had a remarkable partnership in the 90’s, and many of the premier sports games on the market still hail from this system (ex. Madden Championship Edition).  With the crappy NES and even shittier SNES games already covered, we will dive balls deep in the Sega systems, and analyze each athlete-endorsed video game for the Sega, Genesis, Sega CD, Sega 32X, and Sega Saturn.  Grab a drink, this may take awhile.

payton-football

36 Great Holes of Golf Starring Fred Couples

couples

Better titles include, “36 shots of Beam starring yours truly, Steelhead”

Andre Agassi Tennis

agassisega

Sweet 16-bit mullet Andre

Arnold Palmer Tournament Golf

arnie

Very underrated first-gen Genesis game.  Addicting and fun.  No shit

Ayrton Senna’s Super Monaco GP

senna

Senna’s trophy for, “Most obscure pseudo-athlete to ever endorse a video game” was richly earned that year

Barkley Shut-Up and Jam 2

barkley2

Pretty sure people in the 7th layer of hell have to play this sculch all day

Bill Walsh College Football

walshsega

First college football game that was worth its salt.  Not bad at all, and infinitely better than, “Bobby Bowden’s Prison-yard Football”

Brett Hull Hockey ’95

hullsega

Apparently 16-bit mullets were En Vogue back then

Cal Ripken Jr. Baseball

ripkensega

Better seller than: “Billy Ripken’s Fuckface Baseball”

Chavez 2

chavez2

More great cover art, more lame ass Chavez boxing game

Chi Chi’s Pro Challenge

chichi

Complete with fedora from Scarface

Coach K College Basketball

coachk

Excellent game, other than the countless layups that hit the wrong side of the backboard.  Very frustrating, trust me here

David Robinson’s Supreme Court

admiral

Those were the days when the Admiral was relevant enough to have his own game

Dick Vitale’s Awesome Baby! College Basketball

vitale

If you like to hear, “AWESOME BABY!” or “Dippsy Doo Dunkaroo!” every 3.8 seconds, then this game is for you, and I hate you

Evander Holyfield’s Real Deal Boxing

holyfield

Set the stage for “Greatest Heavyweights,” which is my favorite boxing game ever (2nd to MTPO of course)

George Foreman’s KO Boxing

foremansega

Game comes with free turkey baster, and gravy bong

Jack Nicklaus Power Challenge Golf

nicklaussega

I’m beginning to think the Golden Bear had an unhealthy vice or two (hookers? meth?) to endorse all this junk

James “Buster” Douglas Knockout Boxing

buster

Great first-gen Genesis game.  You could throw hellacious hooks in this game, and the last guy is named Ironhead, so I’m naturally impressed

Jennifer Capriati Tennis

capriati

Not gonna lie, I had a crush on old Cap when she lost all that weight and quit doing drugs.  Actually it was the previous time-frame

Jerry Glanville’s Pigskin Footbrawl

glanville

S & M meets the Run & Shoot, compliments of Jerry Glanville

Joe Montana Football

montanasega

First of many Montana endorsed Sega games.  Don’t look on Ebay for “Team Sega” football jerseys asshole, they don’t exist

Jordan vs Bird: Super One-on-One

jordanbirdsega

Mildly better than the NES version.  MILDLY, as in, “The 250 lb. porker over there is mildly more fuckable than the 300lb. one next to her”

Mario Andretti Racing

andrettisega

When will Comiskey Park host, “Racing Game Demolition Night?”  I’m begging you Bill Veeck, RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE ala Altered Beast

Mario Lemieux Hockey

mariohockey

This is a shitty one my friends, but not nearly as bad as, “Claude Lemieux Hit and Hide Behind Teammates Hockey”

Mike Ditka Power Football

ditka

Greatest….opening….screen……ever.  The Coach looks more regal than Winston Churchill

Minnesota Fats: Pool Legend

minnesota

Followed by: “Crazy Legs Conti: Canoli Eating Legend”

Muhammed Ali Heavyweight Boxing

ali

More of the same old stinky ass sheeeeeeeeeot from Virgin Games.  Very worthless tribute to The Greatest

Nigel Mansell World Championship

mansellsega

Ahh Nigel Mansell, the undisputed whore of video game endorsements, we meet again.  I see your sex offender mustache is well

Pat Riley Basketball

riley

Comes with tub of bear fat for your hair, and undeserved sense of superiority and entitlement.  BEAT LA. BEAT LA

Pele!

pele

Sequel was titled: “IT’S MOTHERFUCKING PELE BEEEYOTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Prime Time: NFL 95′ Starring Deion Sanders

deion

With Montana retired, Sega looked to another player who exuded grace and humility on and off the field.  After finding nobody to fit said bill, Neon was hired

Roger Clemens MVP Baseball

syringe

I’m done putting the stupid cover shot of this stupid freakin’ game up.  If you reallly want to see it, go to the NES or SNES article, and please don’t wear your seatbelt on the way

Shaq-Fu

shaqfusega

Once again, the Diesel needs to learn to defend himself against a blob like Barkley before endorsing a fighting game

Tommy Lasorda Baseball

lasorda

Decent baseball game, considering it was the FIRST for the Genesis, and it came with free canolis.  Score one for the skipper

Tony LaRussa Baseball

larussa

The original was terrible, but the franchise got better, just like LaRussa’s A’s after they all started taking steroids

Troy Aikman NFL Football

aikmansega

“Now with head exploding concussions!”

Slam City with Scottie Pippen

1990: Sega CD: $300                  Slam City with Scottie Pippen: $50                        Scottie Pippen rapping: PRICELESS

Slam & Jam with Magic and Kareem

kareem

Better game than, “Piss & Moan with Duncan and Kobe”

Walter Payton Football

payton

This game could be worse than 10 Yard Fight, but having Sweetness on the cover of it makes it top ten

World Series Baseball Starring Deion Sanders

wsbball

Sega’s hard-on for Deion continues.  This game had the coolest behind the plate shot of any baseball title at the time, complete with detailed stadiums.  You could even see Phillie fans throwing batteries at JD Drew in the outfield of Veterans Stadium

Click here for athlete endorsed NES games

Click here for athlete endorsed SNES games

Click here for the 12 most underrated players in Tecmo Super Bowl

Click here for NBA vs WWF Superstars

 

 

5 Comments

  1. Pingback by Steaming Piles of Crap: Athlete Endorsed NES Games | Four Horsemen Tattoo - Confessions of a Sports Fanatic on July 22, 2009 12:37 am

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  2. Comment by stinky twinkies on July 22, 2009 7:22 am

    Bill Walsh college football was the shit.

  3. Comment by Ricardo on July 23, 2009 9:36 am

    YOU DONT KNOW WHO AYRTON SENNA IS? I know Americans are egotistic but SENNA? He was a F1 SUPERSTAR 3 TIMES F1 WORLD CHAMPION in a 10 YEAR CARRER, at the time the game was lanched it was one of the biggest star!!! HE DIED DURING A RACE, AFTER A CRASH in 1994. In Brazil, he’s home country he’s still a superstar, his former bride is still famous because of it AND HE DIED 15 YEARS AGO… And not only Brazil, if you have any doubt search for a documentary about his life and
    Not really “Most obscure pseudo-athlete”. The game wasnt really launched for a American audience that doesnt care about F1, but for European and South American crowds. Obscure most of “football” dudes who sponser games that are only known in America but outside US(& Canada), are Obscure pseudo-athletes. Baseball at least has Japan & Central America but “football”…where else but in America & Canada is it played?

  4. Comment by Steelhead on July 23, 2009 9:55 am

    Ricardo,
    Thank you for shedding light on who Senna was. You are absolutely right that Americans (for the most part) do not follow F1 racing. My countrymen will always be more focused on football, basketball, baseball, and hockey above all else.

  5. Comment by Jeremy on July 24, 2009 6:25 pm

    Ricardo

    that is a great wikipedia entry you wrote, congrats. I didn’t know wikipedia was hiring.

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