Steaming Piles of Crap: Athlete Endorsed NES Games
If there is one thing that can be considered fortunate in my pathetic life, it’s gotta be the mere fact that I was born in an era that allowed me to enjoy the Nintendo craze of the 80’s and 90’s. The NES still rules, and it would take some very convincing arguments to dissuade me from the belief that Tecmo Super Bowl is the best video game ever made for any system. Although Nintendo cranked out some great sports games, the well-known rule all kid-gamers followed was, “If an athlete’s name is in the title of the game, it will suck major ass, so don’t buy it.” This credo saved me much dissappointment and money back in the day. In case you didn’t get that particular memo, here’s a comprehensive list of every athlete endorsed video game for the NES, and I will also reveal the one that bucked a sad trend, and actually ascended to the status of top ten all-time video game. Enjoy.
Al Unser Jr. Turbo Racing
I’ll be straightforward: If you owned this game, you probably drank paint too
Bill Elliott’s NASCAR Challenge
You’re going to find out very quickly that the NES loved making racing games, and if you owned this one, you probably wore jorts
Bo Jackson Baseball
The only good thing about this heap of trash was if you sent in proof of purchase, you got a complimentary plastic hip
Danny Sullivan’s Indy Heat
I promise this won’t be the last racing game, and if you owned this, you probably had a rat-tail
George Foreman’s KO Boxing
This title paved the way for Foreman to whore his name out to 5 children, and a successful grill company
Greg Norman’s Golf Power
Better name: “Greg Norman’s Choke Power”
Ivan “Ironman” Stewart’s Super Off-Road
Great arcade game, horrendously shitty NES game….if you owned this, you probably walked around with a Kool-Aid stained mouth
Jack Nicklaus’ Greatest 18 Holes of Major Championship Golf
You will spend more time reading the title of this humdrum game than playing it
Jimmy Connors Tennis
This one might have been popular if 40 something housewives played the NES
John Elway’s Quarterback
There is a secret code in this game where Elway will jump on Terrell Davis’ back, and be carried to two Super Bowls
Jordan vs Bird
Concept: Amazing Game: Flaming poo
Lee Trevino’s Fighting Golf
WOW…Not only does Trevino endorse this garbage, but so does the (gasp) U.S. National Video Game Team!!!!!!
Magic Johnson’s Fast Break
Slammin’ Jammin’ Basketball ACTION=Crappy Pixelated Slow-Moving Feces
Michael Andretti’s World Grand Prix
Notice the K-Mart logo on the side of Andretti’s car…..if you owned this, you probably shopped there
Mike Tyson’s Punchout
Here she is, the absolute crown jewel of athlete-endorsed video games. MTPO is easily one of the most enduring and popular games ever created. I absolutely love this game, and it will forever be in my top-ten all-time favorites. Von Kaiser for Senate
Nigel Mansell’s World Championship Challenge
1. Who the hell is Nigel Mansell?
2. Why the hell did he get his own game?
3. If you owned this, you probably grew up under power lines
Roger Clemens’ MVP Baseball
This game sucked, but with proof of purchase you got a free bag of vitamins that would “keep you strong”
Top Players Tennis-Featuring Chris Evert & Ivan Lendl
Two great players, one lame ass game
Wayne Gretzky Hockey
The first of many Gretzky endorsed video games that sucked
Click here for: Athlete endorsed SNES games
Click here for: The 12 most underrated players in Tecmo Super Bowl
Click here for: NBA vs WWF Superstars
Click here for: Athlete endorsed Sega games
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