Steelhead Rises: The Hero 4HT Deserves, But Not The One It Needs…

If World War I can be called a “war to end all wars,” then 2013 can certainly be known as a “year to end all years.”  Twas a tumultuous 365 day stretch that had a little bit of everything, but one constant remained: 4HT spent ANOTHER year neglected by its sole proprietor from a content […]

The Untouchables: Ten 80’s Movies Rumored for a Remake (But Shouldn’t Be)

The 1980’s were a magical time for cinema.  Unlike the steaming piles of crap producers green light nowadays to make a quick buck, the era of “cheesy guilty pleasure movies that you realize suck but love anyways” is long gone.  A decade that will always be remembered for Reagan, Married With Children, and the ’85 Bears […]

Windy City Hilarium: A Tribute to Chicagoland Commercials

After a particulary shitty weekend that started when the Irish fell short to USC, and culminated with a Bears loss Sunday night, inspiration struck to re-visit a more innocent time in my life.  An era when daytime TV was so boring, sick kids everywhere wished they would actually be at school dividing fractions and daydreaming […]

Dumpster Diving: NFL Overall #1 Busts (and the Crappy Merchandise for Them)

The NFL has had it’s fair share of number one overall picks go belly up.  Although many men are members of this elite fraternity of suckitude, don’t expect any to overshadow Ryan Leaf as the biggest bust in league history.  Here’s a peek at #1 busts, and some of the crappy memories you can most likely purchase on […]

Oregon Settles on 384 Different Ways to Piss Off the Rest of College Football

The University of Oregon, aka, Nike Whore U, unveiled new football uniforms on Monday.  This marks the 8th time in 8 years the Ducks have tried to tinker with the sanity of their fanbase.  First year head coach Chip Kelly was in attendance at the historic (albeit redundant) event, and stated, “This is great!  I’m so excited to play dress up […]

Movie Villains that will make you hate the actor in real life

Movie villains, although widely considered the bad guys, are not always hated.  I grew up rooting for Johnny Lawrence to kick Daniel LaRusso’s ass in “Karate Kid,” and was similarly dissappointed when Rocky knocked out Clubber Lang in their climactic rematch at the end of “Rocky 3.”  Despite my propensity to applaud everything evil in movies, […]

Jeff Van Gundy Prepares to Spend NBA Off-Season Protecting NYC Subway Station

Ghoulish fiend Jeff Van Gundy has publicly vowed to clean New York City’s grimy subway stations of the tortured souls that infest them once the NBA Finals have officially ended.  He was quoted, “After I’m done announcing the Finals with Kobe Bryant’s underwear on my head, it is time for me to return to the seedy underworld […]

The 10 best (and worst) cheap beers to get blottoed on

I’ll admit it, every once in awhile, I crave a refreshing  frosty barleypop (or 20), and today is one of those days.  After some careful scrounging of the sofa and loveseat, my bankroll is at an eye-popping $2.11.  Due to limited funds, the said beverage will have to be low-end, and luckily we live in a […]

Magic Rip Lakers to Take 1-0 Lead in NBA FINALS

This just in: The Orlando Magic have defeated the Los Angeles Lakers 68-58 to take a commanding 1-0 series lead, and steal home court advantage from the Lakers.  Point guard Scott Skiles’ 16 points and 7 assists fueled the torrid Magic attack on offense.  Lakers center Vlade Divac’s paltry 2 pts. on 1-2 shooting sealed […]

The NBA Finals are watchable now thanks to….this guy

The countdown to the NBA Finals has almost reached zero.  We have suffered through two months of crappy commercials and media blitzes hyping the (at the time) inevitable Lebron/Kobe puppet showdown, but with Cleveland getting knocked out, I am happy to say this series will actually have my attention now.

Reeling Cubs Sign Homeless Lefty to Bolster Rotation

In the midst of an unfathomable 8 game losing streak, the Chicago Cubs have made headlines this morning by signing homeless left-handed pitcher Cornelius Lang to a lucrative 2 year deal.

Ed Hightower: Legendary Referee

Found a great link today where people photoshopped immortal Big Ten referee Ed Hightower into pictures.  He is naturally blowing his whistle and has the “that’s a foul young man” look in every one.  I’m just happy so many others agree this piece of work may be the worst zebra to ever call a collegiate basketball game. Click here to enjoy […]

A-Rod Tests Positive for Steroids, Proving He is No Walter Payton

Major league baseball received another black-eye yesterday, when reports surfaced that Yankee slugger and general douchebag Alex Rodriguez tested postive for steroids during the 2003 season.  His 47 homers, 118 ribbies, and AL MVP honors during said season are now even more tainted, seeing most people with an adequate amount of functioning brain cells generally agree the honor […]

There’s Still Toast on This…

As I peck, an ice cold Beam is by my side, with the vigilance of a medieval knight.  Duke just ripped Maryland 85-44.  Unbelievable.  I have a feeling that Juan Dixon, Chris Wilcox, and Stevie Blake aren’t walking through that door.  My friends, I’ve sunk to a new low, and am completely and utterly embroiled in […]

“Super Saturday” in College Hoops….Let the Big Dogs Eat

With another season of college football in the books, the NFL 3 games away from completion, hockey being on TV once every millenium, and the NBA ceasing to be relevant for a decade now, I turn to college basketball to fill the void.  You know what I’m talking about: the insatiable void that can only be […]