Ben Gordon Signs with Auburn Hills for $55 Million

We knew this day would come, but that doesn’t make the news of Ben Gordon signing with the Pistons  any easier.  Quips like,  “Go to Miami Ben,”  “Go to Phoenix Ben,” and “Go to Greece Ben,” have been replaced with the (now) popular “Go to Hell Ben.” 

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How many rings will you win in Auburn Hills Ben??????

Gordon, an aging gunslinger that can sport the occasional bad attitude, should fit right in with the clownish, wanna-be tough guys already on the Pistons roster.  Really, where else would a pseudo-badass charade even fly besides a pampered suburb of only 20,000 people?

Dumpster Diving: NFL Overall #1 Busts (and the Crappy Merchandise for Them)

The NFL has had it’s fair share of number one overall picks go belly up.  Although many men are members of this elite fraternity of suckitude, don’t expect any to overshadow Ryan Leaf as the biggest bust in league history.  Here’s a peek at #1 busts, and some of the crappy memories you can most likely purchase on ebay to spruce up your Aundray Bruce shrine at home.  Enjoy.

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Video of the Week: Mullet Man is Officially the Worst Boxer Ever

Here’s a short clip of Brian Sutherland, aka “Locks of Desire,”  in his pugilistic debut.  The pale tomato can (with a sweet mullet) decided to go toe-to-toe with a real professional, and hilarity ensues.  Watch this poor guy take miserable swipes at his opponent, and eventually get his bell rung at the 00:47 mark of the first round. 

White Sox Officially Over .500: BOOM Goes the Dynamite!!!!

Holy crap.  For the first time since May 2nd, the Sox have a winning record, and are only 4 games out of first place.  It is a very well known fact that anytime I get excited about our Pale Hose, an implosion occurs.  Here’s to hoping this time is different….

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Carlos Zambrano and Steve Stone are NOT Friends

While getting roughed up in yesterday’s embarrassing 6-0 loss to the Sox, Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano pegged Dewayne Wise on a cutter that apparently “cut too much.”  Was it intentional?  Personally I don’t care, but former Cub announcer Steve Stone lashed out at Big Z after the wild pitch, stating, “If you are wondering why Zambrano has never won more than 14 games in a season, this is the reason right here.”   Despite losing the game, Carlos still had Cubs Nation to wipe his ass, powder it, and put on a fresh diaper after the game, and we went away winners.  Pretty textbook weekend on the South side really.  carlos

Big Z looking above for the mothership to Planet Jackass….

Twenty Things Less Embarrassing Than Losing to the Cubs

The Sox blew a golden opportunity in the 8th today, dropping game one to the Cubs 5-4.  This prompted to me to think of things less embarrassing than losing to one of the worst teams in baseball…..

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  1. Shitting your pants on a blind date
  2. Contracting herpes from an exotic dancer
  3. Getting a boner in church
  4. Wearing a fanny pack
  5. Eating at Cracker Barrel
  6. Going to Branson, Missouri for vacation
  7. Getting beat up by a transvestite
  8. Paying for things with Sacajawea coins
  9. Grandma catching you beating off
  10. Drinking Smirnoff Ice
  11. Watching Titanic
  12. Listening to the Jonas Brothers
  13. Riding a public bus because you got a DUI
  14. Playing World of Warcraft
  15. Proposing at someone’s wedding
  16. Being employed by Starbucks
  17. Online dating
  18. Living in Kentucky
  19. Owning anything approved by Billy Mays
  20. Peeing while sitting down

GO SOX

Video of the Week: Jocelyn Lemieux Cleans Up Harold Snepts

One of my favorite hockey fights ever.  A smaller, scrappy Lemieux completely destroys notorious St. Louis goon Snepts in a playoff game.  Watch the slow-mo replay of Lemieux’s fist literally bouncing off Snept’s face repeatedly.  GO HAWKS!!!

Oregon Settles on 384 Different Ways to Piss Off the Rest of College Football

The University of Oregon, aka, Nike Whore U, unveiled new football uniforms on Monday.  This marks the 8th time in 8 years the Ducks have tried to tinker with the sanity of their fanbase.  First year head coach Chip Kelly was in attendance at the historic (albeit redundant) event, and stated, “This is great!  I’m so excited to play dress up with my team on Saturdays…….Even if we don’t win all our games, the Ducks will look fabulous in Nike’s Ziggy Stardust alternate uniforms!  I feel like a virgin on prom night for crissakes!” 

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Five shades of embarrassment

Movie Villains that will make you hate the actor in real life

Movie villains, although widely considered the bad guys, are not always hated.  I grew up rooting for Johnny Lawrence to kick Daniel LaRusso’s ass in “Karate Kid,” and was similarly dissappointed when Rocky knocked out Clubber Lang in their climactic rematch at the end of “Rocky 3.”  Despite my propensity to applaud everything evil in movies, certain said characters are so irritating, it is literally impossible to want to see anything but a fiery death for them before the end credits roll.  Here are 15 movie villains that make my blood boil…

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Hall of Fame Jerseys You’d Never Wear: Part-4 NHL

Well here it is, the fourth and final installment of 4HT’s series on HOF jerseys fans should never wear.  We have already looked at the NBA, NFL, and MLB, so only hockey remains.  Since approximaely 14 people will read this, I’ll keep it short and sweet.  Away we go…

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Hall of Fame Jerseys You’d Never Wear: Part 3-MLB

Last week, 4HT started a mini-series looking at jerseys of NBA and NFL HOFers that people never wear.  Today, we take a look at a few baseball legends who donned alternate unis in the twilight of their career, and these should be avoided at all costs.  Enjoy…

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Getz, Linebrink Join Forces to Piss Away 4 Run Lead, Sox Lose

Imagine this: Bottom of the 8th, Sox up 5-1.  A routine grounder is biffed by second basemen Chris Getz, causing reliever Scott Linebrink to serve up back-to-back homers to tie the game for the Cubs, all with two outs.  An inning later, Sox lose.  Am I pissed? Nahhh man, I’m good. 

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Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to spend the rest of the day drinking whiskey and throwing shit…..

Hall of Fame Jerseys You’d Never Wear: Part 2-NFL

This week, 4HT has been looking back at hall of fame athletes that made a pit stop in the twilight of their career.  These guys, despite being a legend in their respective cities, decided to have a fling elsewhere, and the results were catastrophic (for the most part).  Yesterday, we looked at NBA hall of famers, and today, our focus shifts to football.

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Hall of Fame Jerseys You’d Never Wear: Part One-NBA

Induction into a professional sport hall of fame is one of the greatest acheivements an athlete can accomplish in his life.  Being enshrined secures one’s legacy as an all-time great, and the fame and fortune that comes with the distinction are unparalled.  Here at 4HT, we have put together comprehensive lists of HOFers in every major sport, who made a detour en-route to greatness, and donned a jersey that can only be described as “unfitting.”  Today, we look at the NBA:

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Danks Throttles Cubs, Sox Win

John Danks pitched 7 + scoreless innings today to lead the Pale Hose to a 4-1 victory over the Cubs in Game One of the “bareknuckle brawl to decide once and for all who the shittiest team in Chicago is this year.”  As we speak, the Sox are now slightly to moderately less shitty than the Cubs.  Amen to that……

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Way to go Johnny, way to go