Four Horsemen Tattoo – Confessions of a Sports Fanatic

Major league baseball received another black-eye yesterday, when reports surfaced that Yankee slugger and general douchebag Alex Rodriguez tested postive for steroids during the 2003 season.  His 47 homers, 118 ribbies, and AL MVP honors during said season are now even more tainted, seeing most people with an adequate amount of functioning brain cells generally agree the honor should be reserved for players who lead their team to a record better than 69-93.

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Seeing every swinging dick with a computer will be doing a liveblog during today’s big game, old Steelhead has other plans.  Why wait for kickoff, and do a liveblog for the tailgate?  I’m sitting in an empty Louisiana Superdome parking lot as we speak, eagerly waiting for other revelers to arrive and party.  Most readers understand that I will be blottoed by the national anthem, so this idea is perfect.  Sit back, crack a PBR, and enjoy the Super Bowl atmosphere, hours before the game even takes place. 

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Let’s face it, the golden age of the San Diego Chicken and minor league staple Max Patkin has been over for decades now.  This new era of uninspired, and far from comical mascots in collegiate sport has been mediocre at best.  Grab a chair, for we are about to visit some of the most irritating out there, and hopefully rally together for much needed change.  Away we go…..

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KingJames828 has put onto Youtube an absolutely astounding video featuring NFL stars showing off their insane skills for your pick in the next draft. If you haven’t seen this yet, definitely give it a look. Chris Cooley steals the show, as usual, in what I’m assuming was a Reebok commerical of some sort.  Enjoy.

As I peck, an ice cold Beam is by my side, with the vigilance of a medieval knight.  Duke just ripped Maryland 85-44.  Unbelievable.  I have a feeling that Juan Dixon, Chris Wilcox, and Stevie Blake aren’t walking through that door.  My friends, I’ve sunk to a new low, and am completely and utterly embroiled in college hoops today, seeing the Super Bowl isn’t until next week. 

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This has been on an endless loop in the Steelhead household.  The old lady is not happy…..Try not to scorch your shorts gentlemen.

ESPN has launched a campaign searching for the Mt. Rushmore of athletes from, or associated with, every state in America.  I think it’s kind of a cool idea, so 4HT has liquored up Steelhead, and gave him a chance to reflect on his personal Rushmore for each sports city.  The following format was followed:

1. One player from each professional sports team in every city

2. Players are chosen on the basis of:

• Contribution to organization
• Popularity among fans
• Legacy in respective city

3. No Canadian cities will be featured (Sorry Calgary)

So here we go, and as always, share someone you feel was omitted and should be included….. (more…)

With another season of college football in the books, the NFL 3 games away from completion, hockey being on TV once every millenium, and the NBA ceasing to be relevant for a decade now, I turn to college basketball to fill the void.  You know what I’m talking about: the insatiable void that can only be filled with sports.  The one that can’t be denied, and compels you to pour a Beam at 8 AM on Saturday, and grab the remote, in hopes of the tube spewing out an elite conference donnybrook between ranked teams.

We are in luck gentlemen.  The college hoops gods have decided to answer our prayers, and granted 5 matchups between ranked teams today, all deemed “sexy” or “intriguing” by ESPN’s  Jay Bilas (always a plus).  Glenn Robinson may not be throwing a thunderous dunk on Greg Ostertag’s head  to reach the Elite 8 today, but we can still enjoy the show, and try not to piss ourselves.

Away with the picks: (more…)

The Yankees have had perhaps the busiest off-season in MLB history.  A.J. Burnett……Mark Teixera……… and of course the literally mammoth event of landing  400 lb. tomato can C.C. Sabathia for over $100 million.  With New York hell bent on world domination, Red Sox Nation is collectively shitting their pants, the Sun Rays are mailing it in, and the eternal douchebag Cubbies are pitifully trying to stay in the news by “reviving Peavy talks.” 

Let’s face it, no team has the testicular fortitude to go toe-to-toe with the Bronx in a bidding war.  Many have tried, and all failed miserably.  Apparently beating NY on the field is more important to these assholes than opening grandma’s checkbook and outspending them.  This common conception that the rest of the MLB is too frugal to compete was shattered earlier today, when the pesky White Sox threw a COOL MILLION for the services of 86 year old fireballer Bartolo Colon.

$1 million…….Second city my ass (more…)

This is hard to say, much less over the information superhighway, but I have a serious addiction that is affecting my life/overall well-being.  Realizing the first step to recovery is admitting there is a problem, I sit here today attempting to excorcize the demons within.  Said dependence isn’t exclusive to me, but Steelhead’s addictive personality has certainly helped things spiral out of control.  The best idea would be to just quit beating around the bush and fess up, so here goes nothing: I have been playing NCAA 09 for the Playstation 2 for a month straight, and I can’t stop.

Below is a blow-by-blow account of what transpired over the last 30 days: (more…)

The 2008 Chicago Bulls appear to be cooked 25 games into the season, and this fan is done dreaming big.  Despite clinging to the unenviable 8th playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, expectations for this team are lower than the average USC football player’s SAT score.  Let’s say the Bullies play .500 ball for the rest of the season, which is a BEST case scenario, they will get Boston in the first round, making their playoff push a pitiful 4 games. 

At this point, I will continue to watch in hopes that the mischevious Bennie the Bull pulls epic shenanigans that end with an opposing player losing an eye or other vital organ. (more…)

With the BCS computers on high alert for possible attacks from mobs of disgruntled Longhorn fans, college football has once again seemingly shit the bed.  Although the bombshell dropped tonight (OU/FLA) was expected,  message boards and blogs are blowing up all over the internet criticizing the current BCS selection process, and any chaos in previous years will pale in comparison to the riotous fallout that will occur over the next few days.  I stand on the fence for once, and will leave all the anti-BCS propaganda and mudslinging to other parties. 

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When I was a wee sprat growing up in the industrial jungles of the Midwest, Saturday morning was (and still is) the highlight of my week.  Long before booze and crippling hangovers ruined many a weekend, my youthful exuberance allowed me to wake up bright and early every weekend in the fall for an unhealthy dose of college football.  Instead of running to the TV and turning on shitstain programming like “The Smurfs,” or “The Snorks,” CBS and their daily blockbuster lineup of games was trump.  After wrestling with my older sister and commandeering the remote, victory was mine for the next 12 hours.  Said nemesis was the same sister who got me grounded from watching Super Bowl XXIII after I dumped a jar of hot Cheese Whiz over her head moments before kickoff.  Anyhoo, I write today to commemorate THE GREATEST NETWORK SPORTS INTRO SONG IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE, the immortal CBS college football music.  Here’s a taste if you are unfamiliar with it:

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Dear readers,
Before I even (pitifully) attempt to win you back after weeks of abstinence from 4HT, I’ll admit old SH has been quite a turd of late, leaving you in the dark during a stretch when much has happened. My reasons for bailing are far from adequate (booze, women, cheap booze, cheap women, etc.), but I assure you that 4HT is still in business. The plummeting arrow in your last stock report is no reason to ring the alarm, so grab a bowl, cause I’m serving up some Thursday goulash with all your favorite ingredients.

My apologies,
Steelhead

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The Bulls are 1-0.  This seems like a relatively insignificant feat in the grand scheme of things, but last night’s 108-95 victory over division rival Milwaukee made Chicago over .500 for the first time since the ‘06-’07 season.  Luol Deng led the charge with 21 points, and rookie sensation Derrick Rose chipped in with 11 points and 9 assists. 

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